It becomes a ‘spur of the moment’ type of decision, and bit by bit as more time passes; you seem to get closer to that moment. The more times you give it your attention and then brush it off as something not worth doing, the more it seems to gradually appeal as the logical decision to make. When you haven’t had a really good time in a long time, when you haven’t had that really good true friend for an even longer chunk of time; you kind of start feeling your time here is insignificant however it ends up being spent.
That initially unappealing decision, doesn’t look so bad after all. Then the more you look at it the more familiar it becomes; the more familiar it becomes the more it makes you feel comfort. A unique sort of comfort and so you sit with it. Then you start thinking things like “why not? … It’s the final decision I’ll have to make, the act of doing so will certainly feel different; but no more so than the act of living when you feel this different and unknown by everyone you know…”