The rawness is back again and has become something I see only when I feel it. It fluctuates and is fleeting, prolonging as long as I allow it. Growth a continuous possibility so long as I utilize the pain like a powerhouse and let the sheer shock of it jolt up my spinal cord to maintain a light in my brain. The everlong ache of it physically brings about the sensation of my insides being sternly pressured, an uncomfortable pressure as if my skin were being pierced by a blunt butter knife. It’s ache is somewhat enjoyable. And I do not know if I mean that literally or in a more self destructive sense.