I want to feel it all

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

The problem with addiction to drugs in particular is that all of life’s magic slowly fades away with their incessant and compulsively obsessive consumption. Smells become less noticable, food in the air lacks in enticement, meals lack in intimacy, conversations barely evoke emotion and the beauty that touches us in our normal every day life goes unseen as the day progresses under a veil of foreign emotions. The euphoric buzz zaps you of your rawness and authenticity, the primal instinct that drives you to get any where and make achievements is directed solely to that substance as the euphoria it envokes is stronger than the feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment that arise at the successfull completion of a challenging task. As time progresses you lose the drive to complete tasks and lack the desire to truly even want to achieve anything. The natural reward system in the brain has been altered to the degree that any form of euphoric fulfilment must come from that substance that releases so many god damn endorphins all the time. The blinder you are to this simple truth, the basic chemistry of the matter; the deeper the pit of despair you dig for yourself. It is hard (and dangerous) to stop something when doing so leads to depression. Therefore it is important to get a grip of yourself, knowing and understanding your own mind and seeing the chain of thoughts that lead to your emotions is imperative in your overall ability to ride out the darkest of moments. The more hellish moments you overcome, the better you get at it and the easier it eventually becomes, on the other hand the more you hide in the darkness avoiding the hard times, the darker it gets.

Judgement day

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Stuck in the wrong lane,
I’m indicating right but they won’t seem to let me out,
This lifestyle is all wrong its not what I’m about i just got in to have some fun but now i straight up can’t get out. Fall down 4 times get up 5 I break the cycle for a week only to meet defeat its a wonder I’m still alive within tainted ill mindstate, the scene is a circus and the clowns are clouding my judgement. I’m filling the void within with junk and feeling zero fulfillment avoiding a reality i do not want to come to terms with, I need so many different people to distract me from the emptiness within but befriending fiends just leaves you tired and fried – high and dry time and time again.
Evade normality all you want but you only suffer in the end seriously getting high just feels like a mixture of purposely pissing away my purpose and wishing away my future time and time again I just wind up feeling worthless. I dont want to get tied up with pointless loose ends and live life like some kind tangled up mess this isn’t me it’s not who I set out to be – the time has come to untie this stubborn knot and fucking break free

“Likes”

Tags

, , , ,

Likes don’t make you like yourself.
Likes don’t pay the bills, or gain you skills.
They paint your ego and blanket you with a false sense of security. A false sense of belonging. Because what is real is not the likes for the pretty profile picture but the person in it.
Not the fame of the quote but the message within it.
Just ensure the story you convey aligns with the person you are, not the person you portray. Don’t let the false pretenses behind social media lead your soul astray.

Keep it simple

Tags

, , , , , , , , ,

Bettering oneself can be a never ending project, because you can always be a better person. Therefore people often give up on this quest as they are envisioning an end to something that is eternal. There is no end result in the process of bettering yourself, no end stage satisfaction or (ultimately) fleeting achievement to feel you have conquered or aquired.
There are instead many results that you will experience and witness due to you’re being a better person. There is no great final feeling of satisfaction to be had, but rather a consistent sense of satisfaction that before long will begin to reside within. For the goal to this journey is simple; to be a better person than the one you were yesterday.
If one can commit to this, then one may become a better person; maybe even what we could call a truly great person.
The problem however, is that most people would rather be other things.

Maybe next time

Tags

, , , , , , ,

Something I’ve realised of late is that I find it easier to relate, and be myself around those who ask questions; rather than overwhelm me with all of their answers. We could have all the same interests but it some how destroys the spark in a condescending sense when you sit there telling me thing after thing I’ve spent much of my days researching. But you wouldn’t have a clue, you wouldn’t know half of the shit that I’ve gone and been through. And that’s cool its just a shame, that you ain’t around to pick my brain cause I was down to learn you until you gave me all your answers.
It’s no love lost through these encounters, just the spark that is meant to illuminate the dark and allure all things sacred has been stamped out; wasted.
If we saw every encounter as an opportunity to grow, granted an encounter only holds the significance we allow it; we wouldn’t take another person’s presence for granted. If we remembered to keep in mind that everyone we meet knows something we don’t, perhaps then we would ask more questions and offer answers when asked.

A wrong to write

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

These days I find it hard to even
Trust myself
I don’t know what I want some days
Although what I need is clear
Right and wrong have just become
One loud wrong to right
The sound resounds inside my head
And keeps me up at night

The days have passed away
Dark & light
Your no where and I’m struggling not to lose myself
Looking for something no longer there

Because if your not here
Or over there

I will always wonder where

A wrong to write

Tags

, , , , , , , , , , ,

These days I find it hard to even
Trust myself
I don’t know what I want some days
Although what I need is clear
Right and wrong have just become
One loud wrong to right
The sound resounds inside my head
And keeps me up at night

The days have passed away
Dark & light
Your no where and I’m struggling not to lose myself
Looking for something no longer there

Because if your not here
Or over there

I will always wonder where

Awestruck

Tags

, , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes, on a clear starry night, I look up and find myself awe struck by the magic that is reality up above me; the ever alluring fabric of the cosmos gleaming with endless mystery… I wonder if there is anybody else that gets gobsmacked like me, that feels the tug of the stars on their heart like me.
Curiousity will probably be the death of me with answer less questions beaming down from such relentless angles.
Sometimes I do my best the forget all I’ve ever learnt, and I stare at things as though I’m seeing them for the very first time. Like a child working it all out for the very first time; making an assessment, with no real knowledge base to draw upon.
The curse of curiosity leaves the mind in a blunder of wonder, endlessly seeking and always asking: is there more to it than this?